Why Don’t We get Support When Friendships Break up?

Loving relationships are crucial to our well-being, they are why we are here at all – ‘We all want to love and to be loved’ and this is so important in our friendships we form. What happens when we ‘break –up’ from a close friend…..? Strangely we don’t get the same reaction from others if we were to split up from a destructive relationship with a partner or a husband – where we get cheered on as ‘being brave’ and ‘courageous’.
Leaving a close friendship can leave you feeling as if YOU are the bad friend. We have friendships for a reason, season and a lifetime – this is such a true little statement so bear it in mind. Good friendships have such a positive effect on our emotional and physical well-being we want to make sure the company we keep is healthy.
Ask yourself some questions if you are in doubt about a friendship –
• How do you feel during and after you are with them?
• Is she listening to you?
• Does she make you feel good?
• Does she allow you to express yourself?
• Do you now dread seeing her?
• Do you feel guilty feeling this about her as she is she is ‘your best friend’?
• Is the friendship still a genuine one?
I’ve been there! I had a really lovely friend I used to go on holiday with every year, had dinner together most weekends, coffee, swimming, sailing, those girlie night outs and those long gossipy phone chats – you get the idea?
Great, I hear you say, BUT I started to dread seeing her, then the guilt set in, as she was such a good friend. It just wasn’t the same; she didn’t listen to me, she didn’t seem to care anymore, she wasn’t ‘growing me with’, I had a new job, new passions so we started ‘growing apart’ and I felt drained. It wasn’t working anymore.
We didn’t ‘formally’ end the friendship – it drifted and I was left with a lot of unanswered questions until we just saw each other in passing. Now that’s faded we don’t come across each other. Would I play it again this way? NO! I wouldn’t drag it out, look for answers, live in the hope that things would change – I would be courageous enough face things for both of our sakes and move on and NOT hide my feelings. Yes, it will hurt, yes it will be painful but I will move on and I am being true to myself whilst getting my message across to society that we need support in this. We shouldn’t have to feel like we are harbouring some terrible secret.
It’s especially hard to break up with a long-term friendship as we don’t have any ‘support’ systems in place and it can be as painful as leaving a partner. It’s more like a secret that we don’t talk about, as people don’t know how to respond.
Friendship breakups need to be accepted & embraced – we need to be able to talk about the pain we go through. Not every friendship is supposed to last a lifetime – if it’ right to let it go, LET IT GO!
If you resonate with anything here please COMMENT – don’t be alone – this is one place you will be cared for and listened to! Can’t wait to hear from you.