We all want to be happy – that’s a fact. As a coach who specialises in relationships, I believe that true happiness really comes from making those connections and feeling close to others, whether it be family or friends. It is human nature to form relationships craving to love and to be loved but what happens when we find ourselves living amongst negativity?
To live in a negative environment with loved ones is one of the most difficult situations we have to face, as constant pessimism and anxiety can bring down the whole household. Does this sound familiar to you right now? Are you living with people who bring you down all the time, constantly eroding your positivity so you end up feeling either negative yourself or totally indifferent – not the person you want to be?
Let’s take a step back and look at the negative person with an aerial view as having a better understanding of why they perhaps behave in this way will help you to deal with this.
They may feel some of these emotions:
· The fear of being judged – you don’t comment on their new outfit is seen as an insult.
· Interpreting things in a backhanded way – ‘Your hair looks nice this morning’, might be taken as it didn’t look good yesterday.
· Always on the defence, as soon as a small thing goes wrong in the household they immediately say, ‘It wasn’t me,’ as if you are going to accuse them.
· See the cup as half empty – always looking for things to go wrong, worrying about the future.
· Controlling others – negative people like to control what others eat, wear and do.
· Not opening up to the real them – so they become ‘boring’ and superficial, nothing is ever discussed at a deeper level.
· Blame everything and everyone else for their unhappiness but expect others to love and respect them.
So now we have a small understanding of where these negative people are coming from the next step is to not take any of this to heart; it is not personal to you. To help you not feel drained by their negative emotions and activity here are 5 ways to cope on a day-to-day basis.
1. Don’t judge – when that person displays negative behaviour, speaks pessimistically and is continually gloomy if you display that back to them that’s what will boomerang back to you. Think along the lines of how positive you want them to be – see the good in them, there is always something for everyone. This takes practice but it works and sometimes over a period of time they might begin to adopt your behaviour.
2. Keep a positive space around you – you need to be aware that their negativity isn’t invading you and affecting your thoughts and emotions. If it starts to, just simply walk away, remove yourself from the situation if you can. Telling and showing people doesn’t work, you need to help them to FEEL more positive – think of some ways that would work for that person.
3. It’s much worse for them – it has been proven that a negative person feels much worse than the people they are inflicting the pain onto. This might help you to not judge and condone their behaviour but to empathise and show them how they can feel more positive.
4. Take charge – before they start on the negative slant for the day try reminding them of a time in the past they felt good or had a happy time. Perhaps try some gratitude with them, but it’s important that you make the first move.
5. Ask yourself this question – ‘Am I actually getting anything out of this myself?’ – Do you want to feel needed? Do you want things to stay as they are? Have a look at where you are coming from. This will help you to take control of your feelings and in turn, will change your energy, behaviour and words towards the person.
We can only change ourselves, we are powerless to change others but by making changes within us we are able to change our energies, behaviours and thoughts to others in the world. In this way, we will receive different responses and that’s all we really can do.
If you are struggling with living with negative people in your life I have several free resources to protect you from toxic relationships. You are also welcome to book a call with me to chat about your particular circumstances – my belief is no one needs to suffer alone – http://www.louise-armstrong.com/contact-2/