Was your father your hero? Was he the man when you were a little girl who would scoop you up, dry those tears, and smother you with love and ice cream? Or did you just long for that Daddy to be there for you, listen to you, read to you, just spoil you rotten or treat you like his little princess and it never happened…….
Or perhaps you just wanted to be loved?
I don’t want to sound dramatic BUT the bond you have with your father does really does affect the way you view all of you other relationships. Perhaps right now you feel clingy, resentful and in the throws of sabotaging yet another romantic relationship? Do you draw distant, undesirable, mean men into your life and you see this happening time and time again? It could all be because of the relationship you have with your father.
My father was a very unemotional man but one who loved me in his own way. Having been sent to boarding school at a very young age I felt those feelings of abandonment, resentment and anger, longing to have a Daddy who was there for me to keep me safe. Life is another story now as I feel secure, at peace and fulfilled with that inner contentment knowing my father did what he could for me in the only way he knew how.
Take a look here and see if some of these things resonate with you:
• You don’t want to confide in others – you’ve never been able to trust your father
• You keep people at arm’s length – not getting your father’s love hurts
• You need constant reassurance – as you feel unloveable
• You don’t trust people – you are looking for signs of cheating
• You have sex to boost your self-confidence – you just want to feel loved
• You hate being by yourself – feelings of abandonment well up inside of you
• You think all men are similar – this can make a lasting impression on your view of all men
• You’ve become a clingy person – especially if your dad wasn’t around when you were very young
So, if this relationship is so important to your well-being and is affecting you today what can you do to change that? Maybe you are putting your own excuses in the way. Do these thoughts come into your mind?
• My father can’t or isn’t capable of changing – this might be true so YOUR approach needs to change.
• There isn’t anything my dad can change in our relationship – but YOU can take action and make the changes.
• You could even be thinking that by making a change the relationship could deteriorate – you can look underneath this as to why you might think this illusion and get some facts as to what you REALLY think.
Having helped many clients over the years improve their relationships with their fathers and themselves I have compiled a snapshot here to give you some inspiration today. Nothing stands still in life – your life will either get worse or better, you choose!
- Let go (you know this is the first thing I ALWAYS look at) of any blame you hold towards him and yourself.
- If you’ve suffered in your romantic relationships in the past (or are right now) trying to create what your father didn’t give you take a look at this – and realise you DON’T NEED this from him or anyone.
- Be honest with yourself and the relationship you have with your father – quite often feelings are buried and we are unaware of them.
- Work out what it is in life you want – and realise it comes from inside of YOU and not inside of him. STOP looking for the missing piece – you already have it.
- When looking at old wounds – DON’T drag them all up and go over and over them again, just look at the most important wound to you – heal what you can accept what you can’t then leave it. Forgiveness plays a part here – remember forgiveness is for you, not HIM.
- Forget trying to create a dream of the perfect relationship – it will never happen – the place to be in is that you are so empowered you can move forwards in life with a clear heart, regardless of your relationship, loving you and accepting him.
These are purely a few ideas to get you thinking – I’d so love to hear your COMMENTS on this valuable part of your life. Honouring your relationship with your father will bring you freedom, happiness and health – what are you waiting for? Please COMMENT now.