Why Can’t You make That Decision in Life?

I haven’t been able to make conclusive decisions for most of my life….is this you right now? Well, you certainly aren’t alone, but now you can stop wasting time and get on with what is important to you. I have spent many years going backwards and forwards in my mind with every scenario, looking at all the ‘What if’s’ – a bit like staring into muddy water and hoping to see the answers at the bottom of the pond. Once I learnt to know, trust and love myself decisions became far easier and the water was crystal clear.
We are not born being able to make decisions and we are not taught about decision making in schools; especially with our love lives but these can be some of the most important decisions you will ever make in your lives. With my youngest daughter embarking on her first career this week; a huge milestone in our family as all 3 children are now working and looking after themselves, I’ve been looking back over the years and thinking about all the decisions that have been made to enable me to be exactly where I am today.
A few years ago I had to make one of the biggest decisions of my life – whether to cut my parents out of my life or to change the situation and myself. Having suffered a lifelong destructive relationship with my mother it came to the point one evening during a visit with my parents in the UK where I just felt enough was enough. We had been having the same old arguments for years and I had tried everything in the book to rectify the situation that was deteriorating. I asked Mum if we could put everything behind us and start with a clean slate, the reply knocked me down, ‘I don’t love you and I will never change’.
This is where decision-making became of utmost importance – what I did next was to change the shape of my entire life in every single area. We left England straight away completely distraught, on the 7-hour plane journey back to Dubai. I said to myself as I sat staring out of the plane window, blinded by tears for the entire journey, that by the time the wheels touched down in Dubai my decision would be made – either to have nothing more to do with my parents, as I couldn’t cope any longer as things were, or I would be the one to change and there would be no going back.
As the wheels screeched to a halt at 12.30am, my decision was made…..I WOULD CHANGE – I had no idea how or what the next step would be but I knew there was no going back. Amidst all the tears, pain, sadness, hurt, anger and resentment I felt relief. Relief that things were now going to change and I had regained some of my power back. I was in control. A small black cloud had lifted from my shoulders as I turned the key in my front door back in Dubai, as I KNEW life would never be the same again.
And it all started with making that decision.
I wanted to share with you some of the things I went through on the plane journey home that might help you make that important decision:
• Do you value the relationship – what does it mean to you?
• How important is the issue you are dealing with right now – is it worth it?
• Does it sit with your personal integrity – your values?
• Do you have a vision – where do you want to be? What is it you want?
• Write down the pros and the cons for each scenario
• Ask a trusted friend/coach or mentor their opinion (I asked my husband)
• Listen to your intuition – take time out and find a peaceful place (calm music with my earphones relaxed me on the plane)
• Give yourself a timeframe to make the decision (by the time the plane had landed the decision had to be made)
• Put the shoes on in both scenarios and vividly imagine you really were that person – I looked at how I would still have the feelings even if I cut my parents out of my life.
• Don’t look back once you’ve made your decision – only look forward
I had absolutely no idea how I was going to change (and I went through a HUGE issue of ‘Why should I, Mum’s at fault’ etc), no idea of the outcome for Mum, but I knew I was going to be released from the anger, bitterness, pain, hurt and anger, regardless of Mum’s reactions – that was up to her, not me. I was in control of me and me alone.
After 6 month’s of hard work, painful insights and being totally honest with myself I felt like I had been given a new lease of life and it all started with making that decision.
Making decisions becomes easier and easier over time so why not start today – you will save yourself years of mental torture and free yourself to move forwards in life. I’d love to hear from you – you’re not alone.