~ Change Starts with YOU and You Alone ~

This really is the start to change in ANY relationship but because of my own personal journey I talk about the relationship with your mother or your daughter. If you’re unhappy in a relationship, you can start today to make that change; it is an inside job, what is stopping you, what are you waiting for, will you be in this same place in a year’s time?

The Mother-Daughter relationship is the most intense relationship you will ever have and a very complex one. Resentments which can often start in the early years of life building up over time, with the same old arguments going on and on, resolving nothing but adding more negativity as the years ware on.

I know this because I’ve been there……for over 35 years I suffered argument after argument, followed by weeks of guilt, frustration, and pure hopelessness. I expected my mother to be there for me, look after me, nurture me and understand me and when she wasn’t I ended up resenting her and feeling she’d really let me down. As a daughter I had to let go of this…..it was unrealistic and unhealthy, my mother only knew how to behave because of her own patterns, her own beliefs and she, after all, had her own flaws.
If you are still at the ‘speaking stage’ it might be possible for you both to ‘let go’ of these old arguments that never get resolved. For me when I asked my mother to put our differences behind us she said she couldn’t which became the turning point in my life. My mother said she would never change and would not let go. For me, I made the decision that I would change and that’s exactly what I did – totally healing the relationship alone.
For you, the longer these arguments go on for the worse they get – you will both end up losing. So make a decision either way to stop the arguments, you will then be able to move on like I did. There is hope for everyone – you just need to be in a space where you are ready for change, hard work and complete fulfillment when you’ve been through the healing process.
Forgiveness happens in the final stages of the healing process and quite often people get ‘confused’ over this. The forgiveness is for YOU, not your mother or your daughter – it certainly doesn’t mean that what they did was ok, it means you are releasing the emotional pain from YOU.
Make a start today by accepting that it is YOU who will change, stop expecting the other person to change, stop the needing and the trying. YOU can do this and you don’t have to do this alone.
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