Accept yourself and you will be free to live the life you want without needing, wanting or expecting anything from anyone.
I believe this statement alone just about fits each and every one of us on the planet. At some point in our lives we feel that we have a need to be accepted, a need to be praised and a need to be loved by others. Is this you right now perhaps wanting and hoping desperately for that person in your life to respond in a way you want, so you can feel the warmth and love but it just isn’t happening?
Do you feel judged and criticised only to want people to make you feel special, to praise and look up to you?
This was me a few years ago craving my mother’s love and attention I so badly yearned for, only to be rebuked time and time again until I heard the words that changed my life, ‘I don’t love you and I will never change’.
I was coming from this place of need; thinking I needed all of this from my mother to make me a whole and worthy person but I couldn’t have been further from the truth. The minute I stopped needing anything from my mother my life changed. When I stopped coming from a place of need and desperation I could see she did love me but in a way that I couldn’t see before.
The love then flowed from her as I accepted my mother for who she was and accepted that I had more than enough love inside of me. Having spent 35 years looking for love outside of me the realisation was phenomenal that I already had all the love I needed inside of me, I just couldn’t see it.
Are you trying to change someone in your life, perhaps making him or her love you in a certain way?
Stop right there and take a step back – ask yourself these questions; here are some of the ones I asked myself all those years ago that took my life in a new direction:
- What is it you really need, expect or seek?
- Why do you crave this attention and love?
- Do you think that person knows how to give you what it is you are seeking?
- Can you really ask this of someone if you are unable to give this yourself?
- Are you giving out to that person the very thing you want yourself?
When you answer these questions honestly you will find that underneath all of this fear, the answers all lie inside of you. You have all you need inside of you but are blinded by this need to look outside of yourself.
People will always be there to judge and criticise you, you can’t change what people think and say but you can change your own reactions to this. Believe in yourself and none of this will matter.
- The very first step is acceptance – accept who you are, face your reality and by doing this you will accept others and their behaviours. You will understand that you really are good enough with nothing to prove. Face the criticism then let it go, meanwhile accept any support to take you to the next level. Give yourself permission to be you. Each day step by step have a knowing that you really don’t need anything from anyone else.
- Build yourself up by boosting that self-esteem, self-worth and confidence with gratitude, exercise, enjoying time alone, getting to know and understand who you are. Start doing daily success rituals; helping others without having any expectation of a reward. Do these things purely because you can. Right now learn to act and feel like that person you so want to become.
- Understand that you cannot expect someone to love you if you can’t love yourself; what you give out you get back. So by building that self-love in turn you will be able to express this to others unconditionally. We have no guarantee of how anyone will behave so even if the love isn’t reciprocated you will not be disappointed, as you had no expectation from that person. You have all the love you need inside of you.
- Teach that person by your behaviour not by your words exactly what it is you want. If you want to be hugged more, show them how to hug. If you want more love from them, show them how to love. If you are seeking acceptance start accepting them as they are. Today do something different – you take the lead and behave like you want the other person to behave towards you. See the difference.
- Take one day at a time and don’t look too far ahead. When you find yourself in a situation of expecting someone to respond in a certain way and they don’t visualise a large red stop sign in your mind. This will freeze the negativity allowing you to change your thought pattern and remind yourself you don’t need or expect anything from anyone. You are enough.
These are some of the points I work through with my clients in my coaching practice. You are responsible for how you react to people and situations so if they don’t respond in the way you want them to that is fine; it’s their journey. You have a choice, whether you live with that situation or move on.
Accept yourself and you will be free to live the life you want without needing, wanting or expecting anything from anyone. So liberating – try this daily mantra ‘I am enough’.