Handling Rejection

Rejection happens to us all and in so many ways, it hurts like physical pain. Perhaps you’re suffering right now or you can remember what feels to be so let down by someone or something important to you – a relationship, a job offer, a friendship?
It’s human nature to need security and once we’ve been rejected we feel abandoned, alone and completely hopeless. Rejection to some degree is part of life so we can’t avoid it but we can learn to handle it in the best way.

This was me years ago looking out to sea, trying to work out WHY my mother rejected me, why didn’t she love me, was I such a terrible person, surely I must then be so totally worthless and unloveable if my own mother couldn’t love me? The questions spun around my head for hours at a time and I never found any answers; the rejection was immense. Until I began to just accept the situation and understand it was my reaction causing the pain. I detached myself from what I was feeling – it was hard but it worked and I slowly began to feel better inside.
Once we’ve been rejected we carry that pain with us so when we feel rejection again we see it through a ‘rejection lens’ in our eyes, which clouds our reaction. The ‘old’ pain will be evoked and stories start being created in our minds and before we know it the whole day/week is ruined by perhaps one comment/one look, simply because the hurt feelings are being relived again and again.
So we need to recognise the problem isn’t the situation or even the pain we feel – it is simply the mind’s reaction to the situation and nothing more than that. The mind likes drama and will want to relive the stories over and over again. If we let it, we will stay in the past.
Try and stay relaxed and calm and just WATCH what is happening, if you can feel the pain without attaching drama to it – it will pass. Society has led us to believe that we can control others and events so to avoid this pain being triggered. Unfortunately, this isn’t true so I’d like you to try and be AWARE of what rejection triggers – sadness, loneliness, and anger and simply watch those emotions unattached. It gets easier over time.
One of the biggest issues with the feelings of rejection is to remember that your self-worth is not determined by others opinions. This IS NOT a measure of your worthiness. Don’t take it personally!
You are worthy, you are loved, you are enough, you belong – let these words sing in your heart today and accept them!
Please share how you cope with rejection.