The Impact a ‘Mean Mother’ Can Have on Your Entire Life

Most of us cannot remember back to our early years when we were very tiny but it is then the emotional attachment forms with our mothers and this can be the start of our issues to come.
Born into this world a perfect infant in every way, looking up into your mother’s eyes for that true alignment and love creates that feeling of being loveable. You need this understanding that you are loved and loveable, worthy of affection and attention; this is your foundation to grow from love. But what if that doesn’t happen; just what if there is no attachment and no love? What happens to that worthiness, that self-acceptance, that feeling that you are more than enough…………it doesn’t grow; it just withers and dies.
In my experience after talking to many daughters who felt their mothers didn’t love them or didn’t love them in a way they wanted to be loved, from a very young age, have learnt to see the world in a different way. Mothers who have been distant, inconsistent or perhaps downright mean convey mixed messages to their daughters of feelings of untrustworthiness, unreliability resulting in inner conflict. The child grows up with inner wounds on her emotional self, which transpose onto her romantic connections and emotional relationships throughout her adult life.
It is only when we become aware of these issues that we can actually move on. It isn’t about blame; it isn’t about feeling sorry for ourselves or working out what has gone wrong but all about acceptance.
You may well resonate with some of these feelings – I know I certainly have throughout my life and so have hundreds of the women I have spoken to this past year, driving me forward to transform this darker side of our lives.
Just being aware is the very first stage in making a change of how you feel, enabling you to move forewords.
· Not being able to trust people – you have a feeling of not wanting to get too close to people as they will be unreliable and ‘let you down’. This can affect both your romantic relationships and friendships alike. You might find that you are very ‘needy’ in relationships demanding a lot of validation for trust. This can cause real issues between couples and is often completely overlooked as to be a ‘couple’s issue’ but in fact it goes back so much further.
· Zero confidence – is this you? Do you have that little voice that resounds over and over in your head as to how useless you are, how you will never achieve anything, what a failure you are and also when you do have some success are you really allowed to enjoy this? This was definitely me, even when I did create success in my life I didn’t really believe it was me behind it all, and really not deserved.
· Not seeing yourself really as you truly are – perhaps you are looking at yourself and the world through your mother’s eyes? If you have been continually looked upon in a negative way you will also have a very distorted view of your own self-worth, not being good enough at work, or in a relationship or satisfied with your body, you will never ‘measure up’. This was most definitely me, everywhere I went I felt I never fitted in and wasn’t enough.
· Avoid emotion – maybe this is you? You are scared of getting involved with relationships for fear of being hurt so you come across as defensive and quite cold, not wanting to bare your soul. Although desperate to find a loving supportive partner you might push away the very person from you through fear and mistrust? Many women feel so confused with this as their head says one thing and they ‘do another’.
· Reproducing your mother’s patterns & behaviour – this was a huge eye opener for me as I had tried all of my life to counteract my mother’s behaviour and ended up repeating the very thing I didn’t want with my eldest daughter – controlling her! The situation was comfortable to me although I didn’t like it but I was drawn to the familiarity and comfort of the known.
Since the incredible transformation of my own life, having healed a lifelong destructive relationship with my mother I have spent years researching the mother/daughter relationship and it’s fascinating to see the similarities we all have in common. This really inspires me to help other women and the very first step is gaining the awareness of what is happening. Do any of the above resonate with you?
The origin of what is happening right now in your life could go right back to when you were a little girl. The beauty lies in the fact you can totally change how you feel to enjoy freedom & peace.
I’d so love to hear from you if you are struggling with relationship issues – let’s get to the origin and do something about it!
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