It’s Not Your Fault

Why is it you keep self-sabotaging yourself with negative thoughts when you’re trying to enjoy the moment?
Our subconscious minds drive around 97% of our behaviours which is huge (and one of the main reasons I chose to study hypnotherapy as hypnosis is a process which directly accesses the subconscious) and many of our adult issues/problems/neuroses & emotional traumas stem from something that happened in our childhood years. We suppress this negative feeling into a ‘capsule’ because it makes us feel really bad and we’d rather not face it, (and as a child we don’t have the resources to deal with it), the trouble is it’s still there inside of us as we grow up. And it isn’t necessarily a ‘traumatic event at all’ but just the way the child felt about the situation (the EMOTIONS).
Then something in the subconscious (we’re not aware of it consciously) gets triggered and stimulates that same feeling we had as a child now we’ve grown up and we do whatever we can to ‘avoid’ that feeling as it’s too painful and we haven’t yet learned how to deal with it face on. Here’s an example from a client last month.
This lady came to me because she was worn out with always trying to please others and was beginning to feel very resentful towards others. She had NO idea what this was about as she had a ‘relatively happy life’, although she did have a very strained relationship with her mother but said she didn’t want to address that right now.
We traced this all the way back to when she was about 7 years old, her mother was a single parent bringing her up alone and had to work full time. As a small child, she always came home from school to an empty house. She felt ‘abandoned’ and unloved – her mother was never there for her, she felt total rejection. It isn’t the event we changed in her memory but the EMOTION surrounding the event, as an adult (equipped with far more knowledge & experience of life) she was able to look back at those childhood years and understand her mother worked because she did love her, her mother wasn’t rejecting her. Her need to please others faded as she realised she was ‘protecting herself from rejection’.
We did this exercise with several events in her life and she was able to release the ‘traumatic feeling’ so she could feel empathy towards her mother & herself, totally understand where she was coming from, freeing herself from all of these negative feelings. She is now on a great healing path with her mother, something she said she ‘wasn’t bothered about’ but that was because the emotions were too raw, now she can face them & can deal with them.
So you can see these feelings weren’t triggered by things happening nowadays but stuff way back in the past. Unless these childhood traumas are faced and worked through they will always be inside of you. So you can see that it isn’t your fault this keeps happening – it’s actually your physiology. So forgive yourself, you’re doing the best you can. Sometimes just purely understanding this helps.
I ask my clients to start journaling, writing the most negative, repetitive thought that rears it’s ugly head in the BACK of their journal, over time this forms a pattern and you will see for yourself what emotion is driving you. Just like the lady who came to understand the fear of rejection was ruining her life but only when we went back to childhood did she release the feelings.
Perhaps talk things through with a trusted friend, family member, coach or counsellor and I’m always here to skype you – don’t be alone, NO ONE need ever have to live with negativity again.
We’d LOVE to hear from you! x