Working with women this question comes up more and more, so I have come up with a few ideas as to what real love is in my opinion and I’d love to hear yours. So many people really want to be in a relationship without a clue what it is they really want or who they really are.
Before we even have a relationship with anyone else we need to KNOW who we are and trust that person, then we can love. We need to be able to fulfil our own needs, not subconsciously look to the partner to fulfil them for us. We then have so much to give and to give because WE CAN, not because we expect something in return.
Some women actually live in a ‘fantasy’ world without understanding the realities of the commitment and the work involved.
I think one of the main areas that I struggled with was the lack of responsibility in my relationship. I always had to blame everyone else – nothing was ever my fault. This was a big lesson for me, to face my failures. We need to take responsibility for ourselves in everyday life, accepting the outcome of our actions, taking the rough with the smooth.
There is hard work involved in being able to love and to be loved – big and small things. Love involves being a supportive, caring, accepting and understanding partner. Love is a series of actions – it’s not ONE thing.
Here are a few things I have done during my marriage that have really helped me.
• Communicate in a healthy way – without accusations
• Have goals and intentions – for yourselves and as a couple
• Don’t be a victim – take charge of yourself
• True love doesn’t have to be painful – don’t argue over everything, work out the important bits
• If you’re looking for the ‘right’ person – start being that ‘right’ person you are looking for
• Have boundaries – know what you really stand for
• Learn to discriminate who you spend time with – choose people you trust
• Live your life on purpose – keep growing and improving
• Love is what you DO – it’s an action
• It has to be unconditional
• Love happens within you – it’s not within two people
• Love becomes who you are
Love to me is having that inexplicable trust, that he is there for me, he’s my best friend, my lover and my soul mate. But it’s different for everyone – it’s knowing what works for you. When you know and understand yourself you can then build that with a partner.
If you’re not in a relationship spend your time building yourself up in a healthy way and don’t launch yourself at that first person.
Above all I have learnt through my 28 years of marriage that love really is unconditional – there is no other way!