Your perception of me is a reflection of you…my reaction to you is an awareness of me – perhaps think about this as you go about your daily business & it might just give you some understanding of who you really are & what you are thinking.
You can only see in someone else something you already have inside of you. This is something that many of us either don’t realise or act upon but it can change your whole outlook on life.
Many years ago when I started out on my healing journey I made a very clear decision that I would change how I showed up in the world. I didn’t know how I would do this or what it would take but I couldn’t continue as I was.
My mother had told me that she didn’t love me and would never change and all the issues were mine. I totally disagreed with this at first but years later realise that she’s right on every account.
I saw my Mum as selfish, mean, egotistical, uncaring, rude, manipulative, callous, heartless, unemotional, angry and everything a mother shouldn’t be.
As I began to take some steps on my path I created an analogy of how I saw my life and my mother – I was stuck at the bottom of the ocean bed, seaweed strangling my legs, sea urchins scratching my feet until they bled, coarse sand between my toes, sharp rocks scraping my legs and a large ball and chain (my mother), pulling me down as I tried to swim to the surface, only to be dragged down again into the murkiness of the dark ocean.
It was a sad place, one where I felt suffocated as if I was drowning most of the time, I was in pain (but nobody knew of course), I ached for happiness, I longed to see the blue sky, the golden sunshine, to hear the seagulls above, to be whisked away on a beautiful boat away from this never ending doom and gloom.
That was how I saw much of my life and my mother, until I learnt how to swim. I gained the strength to reach the surface and began paddling along, it was extremely hard work, but there was hope, there was light, I actually began to see a new way of thinking and feeling.
I caught hold of a raft as the journey unfolded and then I managed to climb on board a canoe and started to row my little boat. At last I was heading for freedom, freedom away from that ocean bed I spent so much of my life.
Things started to snowball, little miracles started to happen one after another, this really was a better way of living life, I actually had good feelings, the numbness and pain really began to fade until the moment came for me to board my luxury liner…….
and this is where I am today, still moving along on top of the waves, still facing the challenges the sea has to offer but I’m in my luxury of freedom, of wind in my hair, sun on my face, a direction to focus on, a purpose to my life as I drive my boat towards the destiny I have created – I have peace in my heart and peace in my mind, there is no price tag, this is utterly priceless and I am so blessed to be able to feel like this & I so want this for you.
When I look down from my boat to the ocean bed I now see beautiful shiny stones, glistening white sand, multicoloured seaweed, pretty shells and it gives me a sense of peace and calm. The ball and chain are still there but they have no meaning anymore.
The reality is the sea bed is exactly the same as it always was, I just see it differently.
I now see Mum as a tenacious woman giving so much to others, a woman who is desperately seeking love herself, a woman who is kind, who does have a heart, who did her very best with what knowledge and experience she had at that time. I no longer saw this woman as selfish, mean, egotistical, uncaring, rude, manipulative, callous, heartless, unemotional and angry. And what I realised above everything is that these qualities I can see are part of me. What I see now is so different because I have changed me ‘lens’, my ‘perspective’ on the world and on my life.
Miracles happen ladies and if you resonate with any of this I promise you that you too can change & have a miracle.